7 Soul Needs You Must Meet to Avoid Burnout (a Checklist)

On the surface, it may seem that different people burn out for different reasons. The root cause is usually the same:

Burnout shows up when you chronically forsake your soul in the pursuit of success.

It starts with small sacrifices you make to reach your goals. Over time the sacrifices grow. You start to resent how much you have to give up to be "successful." But is that what success means? Should being successful equal burning out?

Of course not.

At Big Self School we believe that meaningful success requires you to meet your soul needs first. That lets you pursue goals while insuring yourself against burnout. But how do you know whether your soul needs are being met? This checklist will help you find out.

How to use this checklist

Below are the seven most important soul needs. Under each one you'll find a short description and five statements to check yourself against.

Whenever fewer than three of the five are true for you, treat it as a wake-up call. There is a good chance that need isn't being met, and that you are headed for burnout. For each need you'll also get a few practical ideas for turning things around.

Use them to reverse course, away from burnout and toward your Big Self, so that you are headed for the kind of success that is meaningful to you instead of running on a hamster wheel. As the author and activist Parker Palmer put it, this is about "reconnecting your role with your soul." If you're ready for that, let's begin.

Soul need 1: meaningful work

Meaningful work has three essential elements:

• it serves a purpose beyond your financial needs,
• it contributes to the greater good,
• it contributes to your own flourishing.

You know you are doing meaningful work when it is enjoyable, challenging, and plugs you into something bigger than yourself. It also lets you enter what psychologists call the flow state: immersed in a task, using your skills at full capacity.

You have this need met if:

• Your work means more to you than a way of putting food on the table.
• You know that what you do contributes to a greater good or makes a difference in the world.
• On most days you wake up excited to work.
• You feel satisfied with the process of doing your work, not only its outcomes.
• You sometimes get so immersed in your work that you lose track of time.

Ideas for meeting the need for meaningful work:

• If you're unhappy with your work, name the reasons. Is it the nature of the work itself (you don't want to be doing this job)? Or the way it is done (you don't get sufficient breaks)? Which factors in your environment add stress and which support your wellbeing: colleagues, your workstation, the light in the room, the noise?
• Take a bird's-eye view. The easiest way is to unplug from your routine and take a full day out. A long hike or a trip to a nearby town helps you zoom out and gain fresh perspective on your life.
• Practice focus. Sometimes dissatisfaction at work is really too many distractions. Flow needs long stretches of attention. Pick the work activity you enjoy most and spend one or two uninterrupted hours on it, and notice how your work feels when the distractions are gone.

Soul need 2: relevant goals

Self-improvement gurus offer endless hacks for following through on your goals. What they rarely mention is how to pick goals that are relevant to what you want to do and to how much you can do.

When you are bombarded with the message that you can do anything, you end up believing you should do it all. That shift in thinking is the trap: from knowing you can do something, you slide into insisting that you should. Once you believe the sky's the limit, it is tempting to take on more. What you actually need is relevant goals, not more of them.

You have this need met if:

• You have no problem saying "that's too much for me" and giving up what isn't essential.
• You usually know how to prioritize conflicting demands.
• Once you pick up a new goal, you pursue it diligently, but not at all costs.
• Before you set a goal, you tend to reflect on its implications.
• Your most important goals are aligned, and each supports the others.

Ideas for meeting the need for relevant goals:

• Sometimes we trick ourselves into pursuing goals we don't really care about. Identify the goals you're not sure about, and whenever you work on them, watch the feelings that come up. How you feel while doing something is a good indicator of how much it means to you.
• Try Warren Buffett's 5/25 rule. Write down the top 25 things you want to achieve in your life. Then pick the five that matter most and focus only on those. Move the other twenty to an "avoid at all costs" list until the five are done.
• Ask which goals you would still pursue if there were no financial, social or other pressure to do anything at all. This simple thought experiment shows what you care about when nobody is watching.

Soul need 3: accurate self-knowledge

Accurate self-knowledge means balancing three aspects of yourself: the True Self, the Ego and the Shadow Self. Repressing any of them leaves you feeling incomplete, and that is a fast track to burnout.

• True Self is your essence: what remains true about you in any circumstances. It is the unique part of your being, before any shaping to fit the world.
• Ego positions you in relation to the world. It is the set of psychological functions that set boundaries, prompt action and run dozens of other behaviors. Its most important job is your survival; once that is secure, it helps you thrive.
• Shadow Self is the hidden, unconscious part you don't fully acknowledge: the disowned parts of your personality you would rather not see, including your insecurities, failures and selfish drives. Which is why it often has the most to teach you.

Accurate self-knowledge arises when you hold all three in balance and accept each as an expression of who you are.

You have this need met if:

• There is room in your life for free self-expression, where you don't have to censor yourself.
• You can observe your thoughts and feelings without identifying with them.
• When other people make you uncomfortable, you check in with yourself before blaming them.
• You are open to feedback from others, but you don't believe it blindly.
• You are aware of some of the automatic behaviors and thought patterns that have shaped your life.

Ideas for meeting the need for self-knowledge:

• To get closer to your True Self, think back to when you were five. What were you like? What was your favorite toy? What did you look forward to? How did you behave around other people? If you can't remember, ask someone who knew you then.
• To understand your Ego, observe your thoughts whenever you are emotionally uncomfortable. What goes through your mind when you are angry? Done consistently, this shows you the thought patterns your Ego uses to protect you.
• To open up to your Shadow Self, watch for strong emotional reactions to other people. When one comes up, ask: what is it about this person that triggers me? Other people very often reflect the parts of yourself you can't see.
• The Enneagram is the most precise map we know of for this need. Not the nine-type quiz, but the version that names what your ego structure is protecting and what your shadow tends to disown. If you want that read, find your subtype. It takes five minutes.

Soul need 4: alignment with core values

Whether you are aware of them or not, your core values shape who you are. Without them you would be a different person with a different story.

Honoring your core values will usually cost you something. When you align with them, you have to be willing to draw lines in the sand and, sometimes, die on a hill for them. Being true to your values comes with trade-offs; otherwise they are not core values at all. But disregarding them also has a price. That self-betrayal takes its toll, and it usually leads to burnout.

To know how much respect you are paying to your values, you first have to know what they are. Few people take the time to find out.

You have this need met if:

• When faced with a conflicting decision, you usually have a rule of thumb that helps you choose.
• You can name a few behaviors you would not tolerate in yourself or in others.
• You know which traits you aspire to develop or reinforce.
• You seek other people's advice but know that, in the end, the decision is yours.
• You can name a few values you admire in the people around you.

Ideas for meeting the need for alignment with your values:

• It helps to see what's on the menu. Here is a compact classification of personal values from the research of Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman. Browse it and notice which resonate.
  • Wisdom: creativity, curiosity, judgment, love of learning, perspective
  • Courage: bravery, perseverance, honesty, zest
  • Justice: teamwork, fairness, leadership
  • Humanity: love, kindness, social intelligence
  • Temperance: forgiveness, humility, prudence, self-regulation
  • Transcendence: appreciation of beauty and excellence, gratitude, hope, humor, spirituality
• Examine the experiences that threw you out of balance. A divorce, a failed business, a broken friendship, a health scare: these often expose what you care about most. They can also crack your value system and tempt you to trade a core value for one that feels more convenient in the moment. When that happens, stay vigilant. The option that feels hardest is often the one aligned with your values.
• Study your everyday behavior and notice the moments you feel pressured to do something that doesn't feel right. How would you handle it in an ideal world? Which value of yours would that express?

Soul need 5: mind-body connection

Burnout is as much a physical condition as a psychological one. It may begin with the mental burden of unrealistic expectations, but it also involves a nervous system overtaxed by chronic stress.

To avoid burnout you need a strong connection between mind and body, so that you notice what is happening physically and respond to your body's needs as they arise. When those needs bottle up for too long, you end up in a bind: you know you should relax, but you no longer know how. Your mind keeps spinning toward the next task, the stress accumulates in your body, cortisol climbs, and if you don't metabolize it by moving, burnout is pretty much the only possible outcome.

You have this need met if:

• You have a good sense of when you are hungry or thirsty, and when you've had enough.
• You move your body plenty on most days.
• You take breaks during the workday when you need them.
• You sleep well most nights.
• You notice pain and discomfort in your body before it becomes unbearable.

Ideas for meeting the need for mind-body connection:

• You can't think your way out of burnout; you have to take care of the body too. The easiest way is gentle exercise. If you haven't worked out in a long time, don't start by training for a half-marathon. A strenuous workout you don't enjoy creates more stress, not less.
• Try habit tracking, with no goals attached. Track sleep, mealtimes or exercise simply to turn your attention toward your physical wellbeing.
• Practice mindfulness. Even if formal meditation isn't for you, mindful walks, forest bathing or a guided body scan will bring more attention to your breath and body.

Soul need 6: a sense of belonging

The need to belong is innate. We are wired for connection; our brains are built for intimacy, empathy and sharing our lives with a tribe.

It is also one of the first needs we abandon when we get "too busy." To get more done, we stack the deck with tasks and compromise on time with the people we love.

Belonging strengthens your connection with your True Self and opens you to your Shadow Self, because in a community you can wrestle with your personality, values, wounds and gifts in ways you cannot alone. A trusted community that accepts you is the best place to begin taking off the mask.

You have this need met if:

• You are part of a group, online or offline, that accepts and values you as you are.
• You can easily name a few people you trust.
• In an emergency you would instantly know whom to call, and you wouldn't feel bad for calling.
• Even when you spend a lot of time alone, you rarely feel lonely.
• You socialize with people because you like them, not out of obligation.

Ideas for meeting the need for belonging:

• Belonging doesn't mean never being alone. Quality time with yourself can enrich your connection with others. It helps to define the difference between solitude and loneliness. What makes that difference for you?
• A big part of belonging is support. Pick the one area where you most want to grow: relationships, health, work, lifestyle, spirituality or mental health. Audit the support you're getting there. If it isn't enough, think about who could help, and reach out.
• Find a community of people doing the same work on themselves that you are. A team that knows each other's patterns is one of the best versions of this, which is a large part of why we built Emma for teams.

Soul need 7: being still

Many people call this need solitude, but being still is more than that.

Stillness means creating white space in your life, daily if you can, weekly at the very least. It is the time when you detach from doing and achieving and allow yourself simply to be. In stillness you have to face your anxiety, set down the burden of the full calendar and the big ideas, and connect with yourself. There you can find what is driving all of your doing. Where is it coming from? What are you running toward? What are you running from?

A generous dose of stillness is necessary for meaningful, sustainable action. Without it you end up busy for the sake of being busy, and in due time you reach burnout.

You have this need met if:

• You know how to take your mind off your schedule and relax.
• You have a daily practice of being still: meditation, a body scan, breathing, visualization or something of your own.
• You know your worth as a person isn't determined by how much you do or how busy you are.
• Sometimes you spontaneously stop what you're doing just to enjoy the moment.
• You aren't afraid to explore uncomfortable feelings.

Ideas for meeting the need for stillness:

• Catch glimpses of stillness through the day. It can be simple: enjoying your morning coffee with attention, or a moment admiring the tree outside the office.
• Create a deliberate practice. Meditation, yoga, breathing, conscious relaxation; the options are endless. Schedule it, even if it is ten minutes. During that time there is nothing to achieve. It is white space to check in with your breath, body and mind.
• Spend time outdoors. Research keeps confirming what most of us already sense: natural surroundings improve memory and concentration, lower blood pressure and improve mental health. As the writer and researcher James Harrox put it, "natural environments are rich in the characteristics necessary for the brain to replenish itself."

Closing thoughts

To get anything from this guide, don't press yourself to apply all of it. Treating it as one more task would add to your stress rather than reduce it.

Take your time. Print it if you want. Look at the needs that resonate with you and let yourself be inspired by the ideas, but hold them loosely.

If you discover you are headed for burnout, the most important thing is to take it easy on yourself. Don't make a commitment in your mind to "deal with this" right away. Pick one suggestion that speaks to you and let yourself experiment with it.

And if you'd like to tell us what you're going through, write to hello@bigselfschool.com and say which need you'd like help meeting. We read every message and answer as supportively as we can.